Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Adoration: Uganda and My Best Friend

Steubenville Mid-America in July with over three thousand teenagers can never be anything but amazing. The best part of it all was Adoration. There's nothing better than being in the presence of Our Lord.

I always try my best to seek God's will. I know His way is better in every way than anything I could come up with. That night in Adoration I gave God Uganda in a way I never have before. I feel I released it to His will completely, I experienced peace after I did this. That moment of peace, however, did not last very long at all..

I returned to my dorm to get my phone and received the worst news. My best friend, Becca, had just been in a terrible jet ski accident. Her leg and pelvis had been crushed. As I read my sister Lauren's text I was filled with anxiety and confusion. I called Lauren, who had been on the phone with Becca's mom, and she explained what was going on. We were both a total mess. Thank God for the calm people around me. I fell to my knees and they started to pray. I couldn't move or think.

I got another call from Lauren and all I remember her saying was that Becca wasn't waking up. I didn't know what that meant... All I thought was Becca's going to die. I melted on the floor, I was so nauseous I thought I would puke any moment, and from my depths I was crying out to God to wake her up and not to take her.


Our love for Him (and flannels) made Becca and I friends. I was blessed to be able to watch her as God brought her so close to Him, all the way to watching her come into The Church at Easter this year. We share the same insane love for children and acting like we are four years old, which I admit she is better at then me. She also gave me much joy the times I was homesick in Uganda.

These things rushed through my head as I selfishly told God not to take her, because I needed her. I kept repeating "I don't understand" because, well, I was in shock and I didn't understand.

The moment between that last phone call and the next felt like hours, but I know it must have only been minutes. Lauren called again to let me know that Becca was "stable". Thank you Father. She made me calm down and told me to pray. Becca had lost a whole lot of blood and the doctors needed to amputate her leg.

Everything hurt and I just wanted to flee to Becca. A couple of people around me started to pray the Rosary. I sank deep into the floor and into meditation knowing my Mother was praying for Becca and I, and knowing Jesus was right there with me and most importantly with her. God is so good in how He takes care of us, especially in the midst of chaos...if only we let Him.

And this is where Uganda crept in... I was in complete meditation and all of my thoughts consumed with Becca. Then God gently brought to me Uganda, my current plans to leave, the peace I had with wanting His will, and then ever so gently saying "not now." He told me I have to be here for Becca if ever she needs me.

After the few hours of sleep I got that night I woke up and began to cry...what in the world happened last night? I still had two more days until I would be home and able to drive to Ohio, where Becca was.

Monday night we arrived at the end of the prayer vigil that was going on for Becca. It was beautiful. I cried with and hugged many people, took the cards and things they had for Becca, packed a few things, and then drove almost non stop with a friend to Columbus.

                                                                     

Okay, okay... So here I am now three months later finally able to write about all of this.

Part of me still doesn't know what to make of all of this craziness. I haven't seen my best friend since her accident and it's been rough for me. I know it has been even worse for Becca though. She is in a lot of pain. She went through surgery number 13 today and needs lots of prayers please!! Despite all of this, I can rest in knowing God has this all under control.

As for Uganda...my heart aches all the time. I can't get rid of my desire and longing to be there, it's just a part of me. I am still talking with many people and planning things in Uganda. I know that God has a plan for me and, although it is hard, I trust in His providential timing.

I'll be back My Sweet, I promise.

"Since it is the most perfect act of charity and the most pleasing and acceptable sacrifice that is given to man to offer to God, there can be no doubt that whoever practices entire submission to His Will lays up inestimable treasures at every moment and amasses more riches in a few days than others are able to acquire in many years and with great labor. To remain indifferent to good fortune or to adversity by accepting it all from the hand of God without questioning, not to ask for things to be done as we would like them but as God wishes, to make the intention of all our prayers that God's Will should be perfectly accomplished in ourselves and in all creatures is to find the secret of happiness and content." -Trustful Surrender To Divine Providence 

Friday, May 22, 2015

Patience

In what seems like a blink of an eye I was back in cold dry Texas. Did I even go to Uganda? When I look back through pictures...Were such adventures and love real? Yes they were and I couldn't be more thankful.

I thought getting off the plane and being 'home' would be different. I thought I would be more excited to be around everyone.

Hugging everyone at the airport was strange. I wanted to turn right back around and get on the plane back to Uganda.

My sweet Kabuloga.

My last week in Uganda I went and visited my sweet at his home. The woman that took me sort of oversees Jonathan and makes sure hes no longer being abused. It was the longest hour getting there. As I walk up he sees me and I see the excitement running through him. Smiling and doing the cute things with his hands as he does his best to run toward me. My heart is full and breaking, knowing this is the last time.

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In the most recent weeks I have been planning on returning to Uganda to serve the poor in Paidha, a village in the north that I visited last year. And by planning I mean praying for God's will to happen and waiting on the Bishop over Paidha to send a letter of approval to my Bishop here in the states. The director of BDI, Joel, took me to this village and told me beforehand that he thinks God is calling me to serve there. I think God closed the door with BDI and myself and it seems opened the Paidha door??

I feel like I am sinking slowly. Is God trying to tell me something..maybe I am not listening? Or perhaps I just need to be patient...ahhh!

Jonathan update: he was taken to another town, Mbarara, because of me. When I visited him his family realized "a white person loves Jonathan" then they wanted money. They first refused to take him back to school and then they moved him. I know he is in Our Fathers hands. I asked Joel if it was silly of me to think of adopting him and to my surprise he said no and that I must keep praying about it! I trust what he says.

Please pray for Jonathan's safety. For Joel and all the children and teachers at BDI. Pray for God to show me clarity and to grant me the grace of patience. Pray for the people of Paidha and that I may one day be able to serve them.