Goodbye..

One of my friends Jenny, the amazing women who I stayed with in Rwanda, has been helping me with trying to forget about the mess that is going on for the sake of the kids and for the moment. Everything she says is completely right. She reminded me and told me that this is the last week of school and I must give all the love I can, that's what matters. So, in the last few days of school I tried my best to do that. 

Thursday I took 4 boys swimming, wow did they love it. It just hit me when I woke up that morning (God told me), it was actually really weird. Vickie left me with swimming shorts for boys and I totally forgot about them. I went straight to school and then took the boys to the pool. One of the boys, Alex, was telling me how thankful he was. This boy is so..thoughtful...and good with expressing himself. Saying things like how amazing it is to go swimming when school is over and the day before he goes back to his village. He is the same boy that shared his testimony at church about how thankful he was and how hard he had been praying for the water solution to be fixed. He has so much depth and I am so happy he is able to communicate that. Yesterday I was at school and one of our girls was so so sick. God really showed me how to love and what love is. Despite all the bad things I am going through, I can still love; that's what God showed me.. Leticia was crying and I just picked her up and rocked her, got her water, held her, kissed her, and tried to give her all my love. I don't know what was wrong with her. She was fiery hot. She is so sweet, she was falling asleep in my lap after a long while, and then I got to put her in her bed. That poor girl. That was love right there. I didn't do anything big, just held and kissed her and told her how much I love her. God was talking to me in that very moment, "Rannah this is love and this is what I ask of you."

Yesterday also sucked and hurt a lot. Florence and I's relationship is different than the rest of the kids. Her and I are almost the same age, we're friends. Good friends. She was hurting so bad. She wouldn't let go of me and I didn't want to let go of her. It hurt. Both of us were a crying mess, it sucked. I promised her I would come back and visit her, and I meant it when I said/signed it. Gosh, of all the kids we have spent the most time together. I wrote her a letter and gave her my bracelet. I love love love her. As I was leaving the school one other kid told me that Florence was still crying... It breaks my heart. 

Another story: About one of the boys I took to the pool, his name is Umar and he is....maybe 8? He is way to skinny, like pure skin and bone. He absolutely loves me, and I him. I have felt like his momma so many times. He is as light as a feather and always wants my hugs. I can't even come close to counting the amount of times I have kissed his precious head and his cheeks. He loves it so much. He always says "Ba ba ba ba ba", he thinks it's so funny. I don't know anything about his home life. But I know he soaks up my love like a sponge, I can feel it. At the pool he was so tired from playing. I wrapped him in a towel and he sat on my lap for the longest time. Kisses after kisses, and his innocent face looking up at me. I was so sad to say goodbye to him..

I am confused, or maybe stuck is a better word. Maybe if I wasn't in such a mess right now it would be impossible for me to leave. I miss my family and I already miss the Deaf kids. I am tired. Right now I don't have a purpose. *Hush Rannah, just love who is put in front of you for the remaining 12 days.* Okay, so maybe I do have a purpose. 

I never thought I would be counting down the days until I go back to the States. My mom gave me something beautiful to think about and a place to put my wanting; in Jesus. Our Lord and Savior arrives in 19 days. My focus should be on His coming, although I don't even feel its Advent, or that Christmas is soon here. My wanting for home is a wanting for Him; a want for Heaven. I don't like calling the States my home, because it's not. Neither is Uganda. "Home is where the heart is" and well, my heart belongs to my Beloved. 

Okay Ill stop being deep and mushy. But seriously Jesus, I am okay with speeding things up and getting to You. 

My Sweet... 

I can't. I can't write about Jonathan. I can't say goodbye, I can't. This coming week I will be visiting him at his home..for the last time. 

I am crying now, I have to stop. 

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. - Mother Teresa 

 My girls..

He loves to play with my GoPro.

 Davis helping Umar swim!

 Umar, my sweet, sweet boy. 

 Perfection. Jesus, help me be at peace.

What did I ever do to deserve to spend six and a half months with such a perfect angel? 

 Sign language is awesome!

My girl Flo.

 Sweet, perfect, and humble Paul; I will miss you dearly. Jesus I trust in you, protect him always.

Beans & Other Fun Stuff

I have been here a little over five months now. So much has been done in this time and so much has yet to be done. Below are some pictures of things that have been bought (some several times), over my time here.

Charcoal for cooking!

Fun fact: my sign name is banana..

Yay for more clean and safe drinking water! 

I can't count the amount of times we have bought tomatoes!

Books to help the teachers, teach!

Beans, posho, and cooking oil.

More beans and more posho.

WE LOVE BEANS

NO MORE DOING THIS BECAUSE REMEMBER?.. 

Yeah, water harvesting is a joy.

This was our old kitchen with our very small stoves.

This is our new kitchen with our awesome stoves! They use firewood and save us money!!

No really, beans are great. 

Now we can chop our own firewood!

THANK YOU ALL. GOD BLESS YOU.

WATER WATER WATER

Lately its been all about water and improving the heath of our children. This past week we began our water harvesting and it is now finished!!! I am so thankful that my brother was able to financially support this big project.  

The kids will no longer have to make the long and dangerous walk for water. From the school it is all downhill to where they get water, that means all the way up hill several times a day carrying the heavy water. I have done it with them several times and it is hard. Now they will be able to catch all the rain that comes and when the water in the area turns on they will be able to fill up their tank!! The kids are so so happy!! 

Vickie went to church with the kids yesterday and this is what she told me..

One of our boys, Alex, went up to share his testimony. He was expressing his gratitude for the new tank! Thanking God that he doesn't have to walk for water again. He said he had been praying a lot about it and just continued expressing his thankfulness.  

How wonderful is that?! God is so good, all the time. 

*Caution: Curious Deaf kids crossing.*

Hello rain gutters.

   THEY LOVE IT

Ivan might love it more..

Imagine how much water is needed to bathe 35 kids twice a day. Cooking and drinking water for 54 kids everyday. Washing clothes for 35 kids and all their little teeth brushing. It is a lot. NO MORE WALKING FOR IT. Our precious deaf kids can't hear the boda's or cars and last term two of our kids got hit. Praise and thanks be to God that this will no longer happen!

AND THE HAND WASHING SHALL BEGIN

This is the filter on top for water that comes from the rain gutters.

THANK YOU ALL.

Nightmare

I am back in Canyon and I am crying like crazy. One of our boys from school, Davis, appears.

I can't help him.. 

Carrying dried up corn stalks, he comes walking out of his village. Davis has been looking for food but has found none. He is there and talking to me- everything is so real. With haunting eyes that are completely black he tells me that there is no food at school. I ache as Davis tells me how hungry all the kids are..

 I can't get to him. 

It is terrible. There is an invisible wall that wont let me come closer no matter how hard I try. His blacked out eyes are piercing hopelessly at me,

I can do nothing.

The scene changes and I am running. I am so stressed, lost, and yearning to go back to Uganda. The peace of mind running usually brings me is not happening- I am breaking. I get blank stares from everyone, as if no one understands. 

This wasn't the first nightmare I have had, but it was the worst. Despite the fact that I know God is in control, these dreams happen. Days have came where there has been no food at school, but thankfully God has given me the means to buy some. Yes, there is the question of what happens when I am not here to buy it? Or pay for an emergency medical situation? I realize, though, I am not God. Joel has been managing this for six years. Despite the many hard times and lack of money, he has done a wonderful job.

-

Jesus I trust in you.

Sweat, Freckles, and Money

I woke up this morning at seven, I thought my house was on fire. It was so hot. I didn't want to work out because I thought I already was.

I was doing push ups on my tile floor, like the uber girly ones where your knees touch the ground. Anyways, it was like a slip-n-slide of sweat in there.

I am thankful for cold showers, although sometimes I wish they were colder. Or in Ugandan English, "more much colder".

I went to buy some samosas and the one I usually go to only had ones from yesterday. I went a bit further to another place and just really got my 'feelings hurt'. I asked the woman if she had samosas (which I could clearly see) and she gave me a very mean look and said no. While all the other people just stared at me. I went back to the other place and bought the ones from yesterday, the sweet lady there gave me an extra one! I came home and nearly cried to Rebecca.


Day four of taking Florence to the hospital begins now..

Florence is having lots of pain in her chest. She had this same problem last year and after they checked her heart many times, they treated her for severe ulcers and she got better.

When I took her the first time that is what they treated her for, well that and typhoid. She continued to have pain, was not able to eat, and vomiting a lot. The doctor said the vomiting was most likely because her eating habits were not good and with the medication he gave her, she HAS to eat well.

She has gone everyday since Wednesday for more injections and tests. Yesterday when we left, Florence got orders to not eat or drink anything after 10pm. The next morning. this morning I mean, she was also not to ingest anything. When I picked her up this morning she told me she drank milk. Shrug.

I blame myself, after all, I am the interpreter here. But seriously, I explained it so many times and I think Vickie did as well.

The doctor was wanting to do a lipid test, but because she drank milk, we have to try again Monday.

*(Complete side note) I'm writing this on the floor of Vickie's kitchen, while she is sleeping on the floor in the doorway of her house. She's all curled up in a ball on a big pillow looking like a cute little kitten. She just now barely woke up and the first thing she says is "can you please go buy some mandazi? I have some coins right there", as she points and then closes her eyes again. Mandazi is this little ball of dough fried in way to much oil. They cost 100UGX each, so about 3 pennies, I think. Sweet.*

Moving on. I went to go buy food for Florence and almost had an anxiety attack, or a 'punch someone in the face attack'. I don't know what every one's problem is with my freckles but it should stop. I hate that area of town, it's way to crowded and busy. Little shops line every street here, and boda men are everywhere, along with so many other people. I am just trying to go get a chapati and some eggs people. I get the most uncomfortable stares, mostly from men. Asking 'what is that' or 'what is wrong with her'. I have had many people reach out and touch me, both forcefully and not, asking what is all over me. "Is there a cure for you". Nope sorry folks there's not, I am stuck being awesome and beautiful foreverrrrrrrrrrr.

Florence is having chest pain and I just want it to stop. In my mind I do not understand how it is from ulcers. After talking with the doctor for a while he says that we need to transfer her to another hospital to talk to the cardiologist there. He said we can take their ambulance. Okay cool.

Ohhh wait. There's a catch. I go to pay for the treatment she got and then the woman tells me I have to pay for the ambulance too. Right of course, how could I forget?! She told me 80,000 shillings. Feeling frustrated I told her I cannot pay for that. She gave me a sort of stupid look. Yes, crazy I know, a Mzungu says she can't pay for something! What are the odds!

After that she then told me it will only be 50,000 shillings. Seriously! If it can be 50,000 shillings then why did you tell me 80,000 in the first place!? I still told her that I can't pay for it, I would figure something else out. Yes, I could have paid for it but there was truly no need. We could figure out a 'more much' cheaper mean of transportation. Also putting into consideration the amount I (and by "I", I mean all of the wonderful people who's money I try to prayerfully use) have already spent on her medication and tests, there is no need to spend more than what is absolutely necessary.

I called teacher Ivan, who also works closely with me and makes my helping here easier and more effective, to come and help with everything. I am so glad he came. When he got there he needed 1,000 shillings for the boda guy. I open my wallet and he exclaims "ohhh, your pocket is empty!", in his upbeat silly voice. Yuhp, just about. Haha.

Ivan is an absolute wonderful man. He bring so much joy to every crazy situation, or normal situation (not normal is a thing here). He is so funny and sweet. Kind of like a big chocolate teddy bear, maybe not 'big', he is rather short. But I am also a giant.

Turns out going to the cardiologist was unnecessary. Ivan took care of everything. Because I was not here last time I didn't know a lot about her previous hospital visits, or even that there were papers for it. Turns out that Florence had all the documents and even a chest x-ray at her home. We went and got that and talked with the doctor! Finally more information that solved many problems!

They, Ivan and the doctor, both agree that the problem is severe ulcers. These, I guess, can cause pain almost anywhere on you body. They did another blood test for, I really don't know. We will get the results on Monday when we come back for the lipids test. Which I pray we will be able to do this time.

There you have it. Please pray that Florence gets better! And a big thank you to all of my sponsors and donors, without you her treatment (and continual treatment) would most likely not been able to happen.

God is good, all the time.

Crazy Story, Happy Ending

It has been a very very crazy few weeks. I have not been good about blogging about the situation. 

For the past three weeks Vickie and I have been caring for a lost deaf woman whom we gave the name Martha, and her sweet baby to whom we gave the name Rose.

She had been at Mulago Hospital where she delivered her baby and was then taken to a police station after sometime. They called my director, Joel, knowing he works with deaf children. Vickie went and offered to house her for a few days until we found a place for her. A few days turned into three weeks, three very stressful weeks of babysitting, for lack of better words. She came to us with no language, is illiterate, and well, very lost and confused. 

We tried our absolute best to make her comfortable, give her everything we could, help her with her baby, and teach her sign language. Everyday was a different day. Martha's mood swings were a constant and crazy thing. Could I blame her? No. She was far from home and wanted so badly to go back. Apart from her sometimes craziness, she is a very sweet young woman and we had many laughs together.

We tried so hard to find organisations that could take her. Every time, for one reason or another, we got turned down. Things continued to get worse. Last week on Thursday we were able, with the help of UDEWO, to get Martha and Rose on two different TV stations in the hope of someone knowing her and calling us. 

Saturday took a turn for the worse. Lots of yelling and screaming from Martha and crying from Vickie and I. We knew that this was enough, we could no longer keep her. Monday we would take them to the police station. She tried to run away again that morning, I lost count how many times she has tried that. It felt like we were kidnapping her in a way, but I knew that if she left she would be in an even worse situation on the streets. And for the sake of sweet baby Rose, I didn't want that to happen. 

I got hold of a man who works for Ugandan Catholic Worker Community, founded in 1933 by Dorthy Day and Peter Maurin, and he rushed over Saturday to help with the situation. He said he could possibly help house them, but by law Martha and Rose would have to be given to them by the government. That means two more days of housing Martha and Rose, which at the moment seemed impossible! 

Sunday was a perfect day, however, no problems at all. This made it harder for me, knowing that tomorrow I will 'dumping' them at the police station and possibly not knowing what would happen to them. After talking with my spiritual director, Fr. Patrick, and hearing his wisdom about this whole situation I knew that this was the right decision. Maybe I am too controlling and didn't want to let go of them? I was not putting my full trust in Our Lord, in knowing that He had a plan and He would take care of them, regardless of where they are. Talking with Fr. Patrick affirmed all of this and I was able to 'let go' and trust in God's plan. 

And boy, did God have a plan!

Part of me can't believe what has happened. But I think, on one hand, all of me can, because I know God is in control. Sunday night I was feeling very down about what was going to happen the next day. Same when I woke up. But Monday morning things took a turn for the worse and for the better at the same time. I came out of the shower and it seemed as though hell had broken loose. Martha was yelling like crazy and I couldn't calm her down, Vickie was crying because it was so awful. THE GOOD NEWS: someone from Martha's village saw her on TV and we got a text at the same moment this craziness is happening. No matter how hard I tried explaining that she was going home, because the lack of language, it just didn't register. Finally our director got there so we could take her to the police. (We had to have more documents from them for her transfer).

The whole thing was absolutely ridiculous, I am not sure how to even describe it. I said so many bad words, so many times, it is shameful, but I am only human. At the same time that can help elaborate the craziness. 

When we pulled up to the police station and our director got out to get an 'okay' for where we were parking. As soon as that happened Martha went absolutely nuts, I can't blame her I guess, she didn't want to stay at the police station. Safety locks on our van prevented her from getting out. She was banging and thrashing at the door. She then put her baby down and tried to climb in the front seat, where I was. I didn't let her. Things then got rather physical with the two of us. I hate violence so very much, and no matter how bad I might have felt like hitting her there was no way that could happen. I just continued pushing her back into her seat, no matter what she did. Joel finally came back and she imminently stopped and was able to walk into the police station.

Absolutely crazy.

Anyways, after a long time of being there we were able to make the official plans of taking her home Tuesday, escorted by an officer and Joel. Sadly, there was no way Martha could stay at our place considering what just happened. We left Martha and Rose at the police station locked up for the night. 

Vickie and I went out for some desperately needed food, and some breathing!! I didn't sleep much that night, though. I woke up at two, after a scary dream about the situation, and went to sleep a little after five. Vickie couldn't sleep either, so we sat outside and talked for a long time about everything.

The next morning Vickie was called by our director to come help calm Martha down because I guess things had been bad. Luckily Vickie was able to calm her down and then was asked to go with them to Martha's village, Pokongo.

Now Martha, or Samanya as we have found out, is with her Aunt whom she lives with and also has been reunited with her son. Turns out she ran away in March after an argument with her aunt about a chicken. Yes, a chicken. Martha, or Samanya, wanted to eat it. Her aunt said no. She then killed it and then after getting disciplined by her aunt she packed her things and left.

Martha was SO happy to be back home though!!

So there is the story. Crazy. Leaving out many details that are either to hard to explain or will take to long. I am very thankful that God truly turned everything for the better, I knew He would, but more so that He allowed us to see the better happen. My faith in Him has increased even more. I am also so thankful that God placed Samanya in my life, teaching me many things, and being able to come to know and love another one of His beautiful children. 

YAY FOR THE HAPPY ENDING. :)

                                                 Beautiful picture of Joel, Samanya, Rose, and Vickie.
--

This whole three weeks, and story, really shows the impact that BDI has on the deaf. SO MANY problems could have been fixed and avoided if Martha had a language. First off, she could have told us where she lived. Even before that, maybe the miscommunication with her aunt would not have happened.

We have many children at school who, when they first got here, were very stubborn. But after learning sign language they are able to understand more, communicate, and express themselves. Being with BDI completely changes them for the better!!

God is so good, all the time.

Pray for sweet Samanya and her darling baby Rose. Please also pray for BDI, that we may have the strength and the means to expand to other deaf children out there without an education.

Holding a baby and eating on the floor is not the easiest thing.
Sweet, sweet Rose, I miss you already.

Sweet Samanya and Rose at the police station. Lost and confused for eight
months, I am so happy she is home safe. I hope to be able to visit them
and love on the both of them some more!

Samanya's brother in the orange, Samanya in the middle,
 and a relative in the white.