First few days in Paidha..

It's 8:20 pm and the party has just begun.. Loud Ugandan music playing and sounds of laughter outside. For me - I'm about to shut down.

After a long day of travel Wednesday, my friend Innocent and I finally arrived in Paidha.

The past two days have been a time of learning and I know that will only continue! Innocent has been taking me all around town introducing me to people and helping me get to know the place.

Last time I was here, in 2014, it was more of absolute culture shock. Struck by everything from the poverty, the way of life, to the joy found in Christ. My childish perspective and thoughts from the first time have somehow changed.

It's as beautiful as I remember it. Amazing rolling hills, vibrant green everything, goats, farming, gardens, bright colorful flowers, red dirt, and of course the big Our Lady of Assumption Church. Still ever thankful for the guidance of the Holy Spirit through everything.

Yesterday afternoon I went for prayer at the Church. Asking God what to do for the rest of the day... as I finished and sat back in the pew I heard the creaking of a door, some childish laughter, and whispers of "white lady" in Alur. I turned to see some cute faces starring at me. (Hard to go unnoticed).

"Wow God, that was fast."

Ended up singing with many children! We began to learn a song from one of the older girls. She sang - we repeated. Over and over until we got it. Then it was time to add the dance moves...I didn't participate in that..but it was great to watch. :) time went on with this...Eventually I joined in with some of the kids in dancing, they are good teachers!

One of the kids asked for a picture..then another...then a video. Soon the kids were becoming less shy and dancing for the camera. After each turn they would watch their video and laugh! So many silly faces and funny dance moves..

*Note: I will not take a picture or video without permission. I think that's important.*

First thing this morning I went to Mass. Ohh my, my heart... It was absolutely beautiful and everyone was so wonderfully reverent. Nothing like the True Presence and people recognizing the True Presence.

Also this morning I visited a former student of BDI, Jennifer, and it was lovely. I love sign language. I love Jennifer. Annnnd I love sign language. This is how part of that went: Innocent translated between Alur and English with Jennifer's aunt and I while I interpreted any English I heard for Jennifer. It was really great. :D

This afternoon I went to the Church for prayer again- but it wasn't open. So I sat outside reading for a while.. Along came a sweet young girl who's name I'll say is A. I quickly realized A had some mental disabilities.. She walked very slowly, picked up some rubbish, and sat near me. She couldn't give a smile and her dress left her a bit exposed. Gently I tried to communicate with her and fixed her dress. Finally a kid came along who knew English well so he could tell her what was needed.

A, along with some other street kids, ended up eating mangos and mandezi outside of the Church. A still seemed down and lost the whole time. She took some extra food and left. The rest of the kids and I stayed for hours and played. Many more came, soon about 20. They asked me many questions and I asked them many more. We made silly faces, danced, laughed, and I even taught them a few signs! They loved it. I love how much they enjoyed learning the signs. Now there's a bunch of hearing kids signing "I love you, mango, turtle" and others.

Later it was time to practice dancing and singing so I watched as they did so. It's was AWESOME! ahhh. I have some videos I will get out as soon as I have the Internet do so. Truly, they are wonderful.

There is still so much I want to talk about. It's hard to get everything that has happened in the past two days out.

I am looking forward to getting to know the children and community better everyday. I have so much to learn: the language, the culture, deeper trust in God, and the best way(s) to help and serve.

Not my way but theirs... not their way but HIS.

Thank you all for the donations...not only are you feeding me but now beginning to feed the children in Paidha. Thank you also for the prayers, they are the most needed.

Innocent 

                     

Thankful..

Thankful and blessed for all that God does..

Last weekend Fr. Busch, the priest at my parish, allowed me to speak after each Mass. To share about my upcoming trip to Paidha, Uganda and to ask for donations and prayers. Everyone's kindness and support went above and beyond what I had expected!

Receiving many hugs, promises of prayer, encouragement, and donations put me, once again, in awe of the goodness of God and His people.

Thanks to the Kiwanis Club, the parishioners of St. Ann's, friends, and family, I have received enough donations to allow me to stay for seven months- and beyond (hopefully)! My church is also setting up an account that will allow people to safely donate and support the project(s) that God so wills to begin in Paidha.

Joy, peace, and excitement are all around and within me. Praying everyday to have the grace of open hands and an open heart to Our Lord and His will. Open to love and serve in the way He so calls me to do. Ears open to listen, patience for His timing, and perseverance in all things.

Thank you to all those who have been with me...
                                                   
                                              through encouragement,
                                                    giving me hope and strength,
                                                         housing me,
                                                               feeding me,
                                                                     clothing me,
                                                                            teaching me,
              helping me with my computer and camera,
                    and praying for me, over me, with me, and all around me.
                          Thank you to those who have given me jobs,
                                    given me a car to drive,
                                         shoes to run in,
                                               and books to read.

A big thank you to my spiritual director, Fr. Christoper, who has helped guide me and kept me on the right path of discernment.

And thank you to the greatest Mom, who supports me, even though I probably give her way too much anxiety!
                                                 
I pray I am able to do good to others the way so many have done good to me.

Looking forward to getting on a plane in three short weeks..



"I used to pray that God would feed the hungry, or do this or that, but now I pray that He will guide me to do whatever I'm supposed to do, what I can do. I used to pray for answers, but now I'm praying for strength. I used to believe that prayer changes things, but now I know that prayer changes us and we change things." -Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Beautiful Families

Recently I had a great talk with a parent, Leanne, about why I can no longer babysit- overwhelmed Uganda stuff and needing Jesus time, all the time. I know, weird way to start a post.

Leanna and I don't talk often, but whenever we do she always is so positive and uplifting!

         "I completely understand and I am so proud of you for creating healthy boundaries! I've been praying for you as you prepare for Uganda and know God will use you for big things!!" -Just a sample of her simple kindness and support. Which I have been needing a lot of lately.

Why am I writing all of this? I don't really know. I have been a bit messy lately and really stuck in a rut. It helped me a lot to talk to Leanne and just "get things out."

She got me thinking though, about her kids and all the other kids that I love so much, along with their amazing families. With that in mind I would just like to give a shout out to some of the many great families God has blessed me to encounter and share a very small part in their lives.

I have learned so much from these families I couldn't even write it all down. I have been absolutely blessed to have relationships with such great Jesus loving people. They have allowed me to care for their precious angels in school and/or at home. A frequent discussion between my friend Becca, who also has been with some of these children for years, and I, has been: "Do these parents actually understand how much we love their children?" "Nope, they really don't."

How each one of these kids is the most precious kid in the world, I have no idea.

I will forever miss...

 making lemon cake with Lainey,

reading the Psalms to Jet as he goes down for nap,

braiding Mikayla's hair and talking about princess things,

holding sleepy Jadon after nap and giving him 1 million kisses,

Hudson's hugs, his laugh, and honestly anything he does- he's adorable,

nerf gun wars, swimming pool fights, sleepovers, and everything with the Bruton kids,

listening to Lilee pray a Hail Mary, talk about Jesus, or say anything- she is an angel,

praying for each one of the kids as they sleep- it's like stalking but with Jesus :),

anything Cade says because everything is hilarious when he says it,

dinner and night prayer with all six of the Knox kids (yeah six),

jumping with bubbles on the trampoline with Princess Audri,
playing anything with Zander and seeing his cute face,
Olivia's always so sweet hugs and making her laugh,
never knowing which Sattler boy is which (twins),
playing indians outside with Hayden and Raygen,
Rylan's scary dream stories and playing pretend,
living with Reid and Elliott- they have my heart,
& all the wisdom and love from each of their parents.

The Sattler Family. *Twins

The Neighbors family. *Olivia

The Knox family. *6 kids

The Finke crew. Lilee is probably singing to Jesus.

The Hukill family. The most beautiful boys and momma. *Cade

The awesome Cantu family. *Audri

The Penny family. Leanne and princess Mikayla!

The McDaniel family. *Lainey

The Enriquez family. *Jadon

The Hunt family. *Zander

The Ames family. You can see how anything Hudson does would be adorable!

The Garrison crew. Aka my host family when I came back from Uganda. My heart. 

The Delaney family. *Jet

 

The Bruton family.

Hayden, Raygen, and their momma Krisit!

Now that we are all crying because of too much cuteness.. I am so thankful for every moment with these children. I will always carry them in my heart and in my prayers. God is so good and I look forward to seeing the way He forms each one of them as they grow. All for His great Glory!

*If for any reason anyone wishes their picture removed, just let me know.*

Lessons & Gifts

God has been teaching me many, many things over this past year. He has showed me more and more of His immense love for every one of His children and for me personally. He has certainly taught me more about people and that each person is a mystery that can only fully be seen by God. Mostly, though, He has revealed to me more about myself: through much darkness and stretching, through my own sin and stubbornness, through the love my Mother has for me, and through the growing Awe and awareness of God's divinity.

The biggest thing God has revealed to me is that I really don't have a clue about anything- especially His plans for me in Uganda. I know I am to love, serve, and do His will; however, everything beneath that seems to be a little unknown. Sometimes, I get blinded by impatience and fear when things are going bad or not as I expected. When this happens, I cannot see the good that He is really doing. I am very much blindly, and on occasion stubbornly, following Christ. But that couldn't be more beautiful! When it is through darkness, all it takes is a "yes" to God and He walks me right through anything and everything. He is continuously so good to me and I don't deserve it. Many changes have taken place recently- all of them, I trust, has been for my own good and for the fulfillment of His will.

Trustful surrender to God's providence everyday can be hard, especially when things are not clear and  when the good is unseen. However, it is the trust I have in Him that allows me to surrender. I fail so often, but He picks me up and I try my best to open myself up so as to continue letting His love pour into me, through me.

                                       Lord I am a mess, Your love for me, amazes me. 
                                                                               My soul longs for You.
--


I had been praying about Uganda, BDI, and Paidha. I had surrendered to His timing and accepted the possibility of staying in the states for a while- maybe even years. However, the more I tried to plan for living and working in the states, the more unsettled I became. I did not have peace at all, but I trusted. All I wanted and still want is for Our Lord's will to be carried out. December rolls around and Jesus gave me the most special gifts for Christmas. (I will share one gift now). He surprised me and absolutely amazed me! That first week of December He got me a round trip plane ticket to Uganda for about a third of the price that I had paid last time. "Surprise! You're going to Uganda, Rannah. Buy this today. I love you." -Jesus

I felt so much peace and joy in my soul when He did this. Many things have been happening with Uganda before and after this gift as well. God has been very slowly opening doors and planning things. Though, I had no idea how quickly they would begin to take place but I knew He was at work.

The plan, as of now, is to go to Uganda at the end of May and stay for six months. I am still working with BDI and plan to continue fundraising for the building of their new school along with various other projects. My good friend, Chelsea, who is a sign language teacher at the high school I attended, will also be coming to Uganda! She has been a huge blessing in my life. She supported me so much when I went last time. I feel she journeyed with me, with the Deaf children from a distance. I am thrilled that she will be able to come to BDI and help in anyway that she can. She is a wife and a wonderful mother of two young children. Her mission as a mother will only allow her a couple of weeks to spend at BDI. I know God will do great things through her for the children and teachers.

About Paidha..
The people have been on my heart and in my prayers since I went there. I have been communicating with Fr. Emmanuel about this village since I left Uganda. I received an email from him two days ago that brought me more joy and opened more doors. He met with the Bishop and shared with him our emails about Paidha. The Bishop has requested that before we move on with any further plans I should first come and stay for months to familiarize with the place and the people. From there we will discuss the programs and projects together and see what I can do for his people. *Thank You Jesus*

I feel more comfortable and
at peace with everything. I am so excited to be able to walk through this door that God has opened with Paidha. I am happy with the ease and prayerful way that both the Bishop and Fr. Emmanuel wish to go about everything. I know I am in good hands.

Paidha 

Adoration: Uganda and My Best Friend

Steubenville Mid-America in July with over three thousand teenagers can never be anything but amazing. The best part of it all was Adoration. There's nothing better than being in the presence of Our Lord.

I always try my best to seek God's will. I know His way is better in every way than anything I could come up with. That night in Adoration I gave God Uganda in a way I never have before. I feel I released it to His will completely, I experienced peace after I did this. That moment of peace, however, did not last very long at all..

I returned to my dorm to get my phone and received the worst news. My best friend, Becca, had just been in a terrible jet ski accident. Her leg and pelvis had been crushed. As I read my sister Lauren's text I was filled with anxiety and confusion. I called Lauren, who had been on the phone with Becca's mom, and she explained what was going on. We were both a total mess. Thank God for the calm people around me. I fell to my knees and they started to pray. I couldn't move or think.

I got another call from Lauren and all I remember her saying was that Becca wasn't waking up. I didn't know what that meant... All I thought was Becca's going to die. I melted on the floor, I was so nauseous I thought I would puke any moment, and from my depths I was crying out to God to wake her up and not to take her.

Our love for Him (and flannels) made Becca and I friends. I was blessed to be able to watch her as God brought her so close to Him, all the way to watching her come into The Church at Easter this year. We share the same insane love for children and acting like we are four years old, which I admit she is better at then me. She also gave me much joy the times I was homesick in Uganda.

These things rushed through my head as I selfishly told God not to take her, because I needed her. I kept repeating "I don't understand" because, well, I was in shock and I didn't understand.

The moment between that last phone call and the next felt like hours, but I know it must have only been minutes. Lauren called again to let me know that Becca was "stable". Thank you Father. She made me calm down and told me to pray. Becca had lost a whole lot of blood and the doctors needed to amputate her leg.

Everything hurt and I just wanted to flee to Becca. A couple of people around me started to pray the Rosary. I sank deep into the floor and into meditation knowing my Mother was praying for Becca and I, and knowing Jesus was right there with me and most importantly with her. God is so good in how He takes care of us, especially in the midst of chaos...if only we let Him.

And this is where Uganda crept in... I was in complete meditation and all of my thoughts consumed with Becca. Then God gently brought to me Uganda, my current plans to leave, the peace I had with wanting His will, and then ever so gently saying "not now." He told me I have to be here for Becca if ever she needs me.

After the few hours of sleep I got that night I woke up and began to cry...what in the world happened last night? I still had two more days until I would be home and able to drive to Ohio, where Becca was.

Monday night we arrived at the end of the prayer vigil that was going on for Becca. It was beautiful. I cried with and hugged many people, took the cards and things they had for Becca, packed a few things, and then drove almost non stop with a friend to Columbus.

                                                                     

Okay, okay... So here I am now three months later finally able to write about all of this.

Part of me still doesn't know what to make of all of this craziness. I haven't seen my best friend since her accident and it's been rough for me. I know it has been even worse for Becca though. She is in a lot of pain. She went through surgery number 13 today and needs lots of prayers please!! Despite all of this, I can rest in knowing God has this all under control.

As for Uganda...my heart aches all the time. I can't get rid of my desire and longing to be there, it's just a part of me. I am still talking with many people and planning things in Uganda. I know that God has a plan for me and, although it is hard, I trust in His providential timing.

I'll be back My Sweet, I promise.

"Since it is the most perfect act of charity and the most pleasing and acceptable sacrifice that is given to man to offer to God, there can be no doubt that whoever practices entire submission to His Will lays up inestimable treasures at every moment and amasses more riches in a few days than others are able to acquire in many years and with great labor. To remain indifferent to good fortune or to adversity by accepting it all from the hand of God without questioning, not to ask for things to be done as we would like them but as God wishes, to make the intention of all our prayers that God's Will should be perfectly accomplished in ourselves and in all creatures is to find the secret of happiness and content." -Trustful Surrender To Divine Providence 

Patience

In what seems like a blink of an eye I was back in cold dry Texas. Did I even go to Uganda? When I look back through pictures...Were such adventures and love real? Yes they were and I couldn't be more thankful.

I thought getting off the plane and being 'home' would be different. I thought I would be more excited to be around everyone.

Hugging everyone at the airport was strange. I wanted to turn right back around and get on the plane back to Uganda.

My sweet Kabuloga.

My last week in Uganda I went and visited my sweet at his home. The woman that took me sort of oversees Jonathan and makes sure hes no longer being abused. It was the longest hour getting there. As I walk up he sees me and I see the excitement running through him. Smiling and doing the cute things with his hands as he does his best to run toward me. My heart is full and breaking, knowing this is the last time.

--

In the most recent weeks I have been planning on returning to Uganda to serve the poor in Paidha, a village in the north that I visited last year. And by planning I mean praying for God's will to happen and waiting on the Bishop over Paidha to send a letter of approval to my Bishop here in the states. The director of BDI, Joel, took me to this village and told me beforehand that he thinks God is calling me to serve there. I think God closed the door with BDI and myself and it seems opened the Paidha door??

I feel like I am sinking slowly. Is God trying to tell me something..maybe I am not listening? Or perhaps I just need to be patient...ahhh!

Jonathan update: he was taken to another town, Mbarara, because of me. When I visited him his family realized "a white person loves Jonathan" then they wanted money. They first refused to take him back to school and then they moved him. I know he is in Our Fathers hands. I asked Joel if it was silly of me to think of adopting him and to my surprise he said no and that I must keep praying about it! I trust what he says.

Please pray for Jonathan's safety. For Joel and all the children and teachers at BDI. Pray for God to show me clarity and to grant me the grace of patience. Pray for the people of Paidha and that I may one day be able to serve them.

Goodbye..

One of my friends Jenny, the amazing women who I stayed with in Rwanda, has been helping me with trying to forget about the mess that is going on for the sake of the kids and for the moment. Everything she says is completely right. She reminded me and told me that this is the last week of school and I must give all the love I can, that's what matters. So, in the last few days of school I tried my best to do that. 

Thursday I took 4 boys swimming, wow did they love it. It just hit me when I woke up that morning (God told me), it was actually really weird. Vickie left me with swimming shorts for boys and I totally forgot about them. I went straight to school and then took the boys to the pool. One of the boys, Alex, was telling me how thankful he was. This boy is so..thoughtful...and good with expressing himself. Saying things like how amazing it is to go swimming when school is over and the day before he goes back to his village. He is the same boy that shared his testimony at church about how thankful he was and how hard he had been praying for the water solution to be fixed. He has so much depth and I am so happy he is able to communicate that. Yesterday I was at school and one of our girls was so so sick. God really showed me how to love and what love is. Despite all the bad things I am going through, I can still love; that's what God showed me.. Leticia was crying and I just picked her up and rocked her, got her water, held her, kissed her, and tried to give her all my love. I don't know what was wrong with her. She was fiery hot. She is so sweet, she was falling asleep in my lap after a long while, and then I got to put her in her bed. That poor girl. That was love right there. I didn't do anything big, just held and kissed her and told her how much I love her. God was talking to me in that very moment, "Rannah this is love and this is what I ask of you."

Yesterday also sucked and hurt a lot. Florence and I's relationship is different than the rest of the kids. Her and I are almost the same age, we're friends. Good friends. She was hurting so bad. She wouldn't let go of me and I didn't want to let go of her. It hurt. Both of us were a crying mess, it sucked. I promised her I would come back and visit her, and I meant it when I said/signed it. Gosh, of all the kids we have spent the most time together. I wrote her a letter and gave her my bracelet. I love love love her. As I was leaving the school one other kid told me that Florence was still crying... It breaks my heart. 

Another story: About one of the boys I took to the pool, his name is Umar and he is....maybe 8? He is way to skinny, like pure skin and bone. He absolutely loves me, and I him. I have felt like his momma so many times. He is as light as a feather and always wants my hugs. I can't even come close to counting the amount of times I have kissed his precious head and his cheeks. He loves it so much. He always says "Ba ba ba ba ba", he thinks it's so funny. I don't know anything about his home life. But I know he soaks up my love like a sponge, I can feel it. At the pool he was so tired from playing. I wrapped him in a towel and he sat on my lap for the longest time. Kisses after kisses, and his innocent face looking up at me. I was so sad to say goodbye to him..

I am confused, or maybe stuck is a better word. Maybe if I wasn't in such a mess right now it would be impossible for me to leave. I miss my family and I already miss the Deaf kids. I am tired. Right now I don't have a purpose. *Hush Rannah, just love who is put in front of you for the remaining 12 days.* Okay, so maybe I do have a purpose. 

I never thought I would be counting down the days until I go back to the States. My mom gave me something beautiful to think about and a place to put my wanting; in Jesus. Our Lord and Savior arrives in 19 days. My focus should be on His coming, although I don't even feel its Advent, or that Christmas is soon here. My wanting for home is a wanting for Him; a want for Heaven. I don't like calling the States my home, because it's not. Neither is Uganda. "Home is where the heart is" and well, my heart belongs to my Beloved. 

Okay Ill stop being deep and mushy. But seriously Jesus, I am okay with speeding things up and getting to You. 

My Sweet... 

I can't. I can't write about Jonathan. I can't say goodbye, I can't. This coming week I will be visiting him at his home..for the last time. 

I am crying now, I have to stop. 

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. - Mother Teresa 

 My girls..

He loves to play with my GoPro.

 Davis helping Umar swim!

 Umar, my sweet, sweet boy. 

 Perfection. Jesus, help me be at peace.

What did I ever do to deserve to spend six and a half months with such a perfect angel? 

 Sign language is awesome!

My girl Flo.

 Sweet, perfect, and humble Paul; I will miss you dearly. Jesus I trust in you, protect him always.