Lessons & Gifts

God has been teaching me many, many things over this past year. He has showed me more and more of His immense love for every one of His children and for me personally. He has certainly taught me more about people and that each person is a mystery that can only fully be seen by God. Mostly, though, He has revealed to me more about myself: through much darkness and stretching, through my own sin and stubbornness, through the love my Mother has for me, and through the growing Awe and awareness of God's divinity.

The biggest thing God has revealed to me is that I really don't have a clue about anything- especially His plans for me in Uganda. I know I am to love, serve, and do His will; however, everything beneath that seems to be a little unknown. Sometimes, I get blinded by impatience and fear when things are going bad or not as I expected. When this happens, I cannot see the good that He is really doing. I am very much blindly, and on occasion stubbornly, following Christ. But that couldn't be more beautiful! When it is through darkness, all it takes is a "yes" to God and He walks me right through anything and everything. He is continuously so good to me and I don't deserve it. Many changes have taken place recently- all of them, I trust, has been for my own good and for the fulfillment of His will.

Trustful surrender to God's providence everyday can be hard, especially when things are not clear and  when the good is unseen. However, it is the trust I have in Him that allows me to surrender. I fail so often, but He picks me up and I try my best to open myself up so as to continue letting His love pour into me, through me.

                                       Lord I am a mess, Your love for me, amazes me. 
                                                                               My soul longs for You.
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I had been praying about Uganda, BDI, and Paidha. I had surrendered to His timing and accepted the possibility of staying in the states for a while- maybe even years. However, the more I tried to plan for living and working in the states, the more unsettled I became. I did not have peace at all, but I trusted. All I wanted and still want is for Our Lord's will to be carried out. December rolls around and Jesus gave me the most special gifts for Christmas. (I will share one gift now). He surprised me and absolutely amazed me! That first week of December He got me a round trip plane ticket to Uganda for about a third of the price that I had paid last time. "Surprise! You're going to Uganda, Rannah. Buy this today. I love you." -Jesus

I felt so much peace and joy in my soul when He did this. Many things have been happening with Uganda before and after this gift as well. God has been very slowly opening doors and planning things. Though, I had no idea how quickly they would begin to take place but I knew He was at work.

The plan, as of now, is to go to Uganda at the end of May and stay for six months. I am still working with BDI and plan to continue fundraising for the building of their new school along with various other projects. My good friend, Chelsea, who is a sign language teacher at the high school I attended, will also be coming to Uganda! She has been a huge blessing in my life. She supported me so much when I went last time. I feel she journeyed with me, with the Deaf children from a distance. I am thrilled that she will be able to come to BDI and help in anyway that she can. She is a wife and a wonderful mother of two young children. Her mission as a mother will only allow her a couple of weeks to spend at BDI. I know God will do great things through her for the children and teachers.

About Paidha..
The people have been on my heart and in my prayers since I went there. I have been communicating with Fr. Emmanuel about this village since I left Uganda. I received an email from him two days ago that brought me more joy and opened more doors. He met with the Bishop and shared with him our emails about Paidha. The Bishop has requested that before we move on with any further plans I should first come and stay for months to familiarize with the place and the people. From there we will discuss the programs and projects together and see what I can do for his people. *Thank You Jesus*

I feel more comfortable and
at peace with everything. I am so excited to be able to walk through this door that God has opened with Paidha. I am happy with the ease and prayerful way that both the Bishop and Fr. Emmanuel wish to go about everything. I know I am in good hands.

Paidha 

Adoration: Uganda and My Best Friend

Steubenville Mid-America in July with over three thousand teenagers can never be anything but amazing. The best part of it all was Adoration. There's nothing better than being in the presence of Our Lord.

I always try my best to seek God's will. I know His way is better in every way than anything I could come up with. That night in Adoration I gave God Uganda in a way I never have before. I feel I released it to His will completely, I experienced peace after I did this. That moment of peace, however, did not last very long at all..

I returned to my dorm to get my phone and received the worst news. My best friend, Becca, had just been in a terrible jet ski accident. Her leg and pelvis had been crushed. As I read my sister Lauren's text I was filled with anxiety and confusion. I called Lauren, who had been on the phone with Becca's mom, and she explained what was going on. We were both a total mess. Thank God for the calm people around me. I fell to my knees and they started to pray. I couldn't move or think.

I got another call from Lauren and all I remember her saying was that Becca wasn't waking up. I didn't know what that meant... All I thought was Becca's going to die. I melted on the floor, I was so nauseous I thought I would puke any moment, and from my depths I was crying out to God to wake her up and not to take her.

Our love for Him (and flannels) made Becca and I friends. I was blessed to be able to watch her as God brought her so close to Him, all the way to watching her come into The Church at Easter this year. We share the same insane love for children and acting like we are four years old, which I admit she is better at then me. She also gave me much joy the times I was homesick in Uganda.

These things rushed through my head as I selfishly told God not to take her, because I needed her. I kept repeating "I don't understand" because, well, I was in shock and I didn't understand.

The moment between that last phone call and the next felt like hours, but I know it must have only been minutes. Lauren called again to let me know that Becca was "stable". Thank you Father. She made me calm down and told me to pray. Becca had lost a whole lot of blood and the doctors needed to amputate her leg.

Everything hurt and I just wanted to flee to Becca. A couple of people around me started to pray the Rosary. I sank deep into the floor and into meditation knowing my Mother was praying for Becca and I, and knowing Jesus was right there with me and most importantly with her. God is so good in how He takes care of us, especially in the midst of chaos...if only we let Him.

And this is where Uganda crept in... I was in complete meditation and all of my thoughts consumed with Becca. Then God gently brought to me Uganda, my current plans to leave, the peace I had with wanting His will, and then ever so gently saying "not now." He told me I have to be here for Becca if ever she needs me.

After the few hours of sleep I got that night I woke up and began to cry...what in the world happened last night? I still had two more days until I would be home and able to drive to Ohio, where Becca was.

Monday night we arrived at the end of the prayer vigil that was going on for Becca. It was beautiful. I cried with and hugged many people, took the cards and things they had for Becca, packed a few things, and then drove almost non stop with a friend to Columbus.

                                                                     

Okay, okay... So here I am now three months later finally able to write about all of this.

Part of me still doesn't know what to make of all of this craziness. I haven't seen my best friend since her accident and it's been rough for me. I know it has been even worse for Becca though. She is in a lot of pain. She went through surgery number 13 today and needs lots of prayers please!! Despite all of this, I can rest in knowing God has this all under control.

As for Uganda...my heart aches all the time. I can't get rid of my desire and longing to be there, it's just a part of me. I am still talking with many people and planning things in Uganda. I know that God has a plan for me and, although it is hard, I trust in His providential timing.

I'll be back My Sweet, I promise.

"Since it is the most perfect act of charity and the most pleasing and acceptable sacrifice that is given to man to offer to God, there can be no doubt that whoever practices entire submission to His Will lays up inestimable treasures at every moment and amasses more riches in a few days than others are able to acquire in many years and with great labor. To remain indifferent to good fortune or to adversity by accepting it all from the hand of God without questioning, not to ask for things to be done as we would like them but as God wishes, to make the intention of all our prayers that God's Will should be perfectly accomplished in ourselves and in all creatures is to find the secret of happiness and content." -Trustful Surrender To Divine Providence 

Patience

In what seems like a blink of an eye I was back in cold dry Texas. Did I even go to Uganda? When I look back through pictures...Were such adventures and love real? Yes they were and I couldn't be more thankful.

I thought getting off the plane and being 'home' would be different. I thought I would be more excited to be around everyone.

Hugging everyone at the airport was strange. I wanted to turn right back around and get on the plane back to Uganda.

My sweet Kabuloga.

My last week in Uganda I went and visited my sweet at his home. The woman that took me sort of oversees Jonathan and makes sure hes no longer being abused. It was the longest hour getting there. As I walk up he sees me and I see the excitement running through him. Smiling and doing the cute things with his hands as he does his best to run toward me. My heart is full and breaking, knowing this is the last time.

--

In the most recent weeks I have been planning on returning to Uganda to serve the poor in Paidha, a village in the north that I visited last year. And by planning I mean praying for God's will to happen and waiting on the Bishop over Paidha to send a letter of approval to my Bishop here in the states. The director of BDI, Joel, took me to this village and told me beforehand that he thinks God is calling me to serve there. I think God closed the door with BDI and myself and it seems opened the Paidha door??

I feel like I am sinking slowly. Is God trying to tell me something..maybe I am not listening? Or perhaps I just need to be patient...ahhh!

Jonathan update: he was taken to another town, Mbarara, because of me. When I visited him his family realized "a white person loves Jonathan" then they wanted money. They first refused to take him back to school and then they moved him. I know he is in Our Fathers hands. I asked Joel if it was silly of me to think of adopting him and to my surprise he said no and that I must keep praying about it! I trust what he says.

Please pray for Jonathan's safety. For Joel and all the children and teachers at BDI. Pray for God to show me clarity and to grant me the grace of patience. Pray for the people of Paidha and that I may one day be able to serve them.

Goodbye..

One of my friends Jenny, the amazing women who I stayed with in Rwanda, has been helping me with trying to forget about the mess that is going on for the sake of the kids and for the moment. Everything she says is completely right. She reminded me and told me that this is the last week of school and I must give all the love I can, that's what matters. So, in the last few days of school I tried my best to do that. 

Thursday I took 4 boys swimming, wow did they love it. It just hit me when I woke up that morning (God told me), it was actually really weird. Vickie left me with swimming shorts for boys and I totally forgot about them. I went straight to school and then took the boys to the pool. One of the boys, Alex, was telling me how thankful he was. This boy is so..thoughtful...and good with expressing himself. Saying things like how amazing it is to go swimming when school is over and the day before he goes back to his village. He is the same boy that shared his testimony at church about how thankful he was and how hard he had been praying for the water solution to be fixed. He has so much depth and I am so happy he is able to communicate that. Yesterday I was at school and one of our girls was so so sick. God really showed me how to love and what love is. Despite all the bad things I am going through, I can still love; that's what God showed me.. Leticia was crying and I just picked her up and rocked her, got her water, held her, kissed her, and tried to give her all my love. I don't know what was wrong with her. She was fiery hot. She is so sweet, she was falling asleep in my lap after a long while, and then I got to put her in her bed. That poor girl. That was love right there. I didn't do anything big, just held and kissed her and told her how much I love her. God was talking to me in that very moment, "Rannah this is love and this is what I ask of you."

Yesterday also sucked and hurt a lot. Florence and I's relationship is different than the rest of the kids. Her and I are almost the same age, we're friends. Good friends. She was hurting so bad. She wouldn't let go of me and I didn't want to let go of her. It hurt. Both of us were a crying mess, it sucked. I promised her I would come back and visit her, and I meant it when I said/signed it. Gosh, of all the kids we have spent the most time together. I wrote her a letter and gave her my bracelet. I love love love her. As I was leaving the school one other kid told me that Florence was still crying... It breaks my heart. 

Another story: About one of the boys I took to the pool, his name is Umar and he is....maybe 8? He is way to skinny, like pure skin and bone. He absolutely loves me, and I him. I have felt like his momma so many times. He is as light as a feather and always wants my hugs. I can't even come close to counting the amount of times I have kissed his precious head and his cheeks. He loves it so much. He always says "Ba ba ba ba ba", he thinks it's so funny. I don't know anything about his home life. But I know he soaks up my love like a sponge, I can feel it. At the pool he was so tired from playing. I wrapped him in a towel and he sat on my lap for the longest time. Kisses after kisses, and his innocent face looking up at me. I was so sad to say goodbye to him..

I am confused, or maybe stuck is a better word. Maybe if I wasn't in such a mess right now it would be impossible for me to leave. I miss my family and I already miss the Deaf kids. I am tired. Right now I don't have a purpose. *Hush Rannah, just love who is put in front of you for the remaining 12 days.* Okay, so maybe I do have a purpose. 

I never thought I would be counting down the days until I go back to the States. My mom gave me something beautiful to think about and a place to put my wanting; in Jesus. Our Lord and Savior arrives in 19 days. My focus should be on His coming, although I don't even feel its Advent, or that Christmas is soon here. My wanting for home is a wanting for Him; a want for Heaven. I don't like calling the States my home, because it's not. Neither is Uganda. "Home is where the heart is" and well, my heart belongs to my Beloved. 

Okay Ill stop being deep and mushy. But seriously Jesus, I am okay with speeding things up and getting to You. 

My Sweet... 

I can't. I can't write about Jonathan. I can't say goodbye, I can't. This coming week I will be visiting him at his home..for the last time. 

I am crying now, I have to stop. 

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. - Mother Teresa 

 My girls..

He loves to play with my GoPro.

 Davis helping Umar swim!

 Umar, my sweet, sweet boy. 

 Perfection. Jesus, help me be at peace.

What did I ever do to deserve to spend six and a half months with such a perfect angel? 

 Sign language is awesome!

My girl Flo.

 Sweet, perfect, and humble Paul; I will miss you dearly. Jesus I trust in you, protect him always.

Beans & Other Fun Stuff

I have been here a little over five months now. So much has been done in this time and so much has yet to be done. Below are some pictures of things that have been bought (some several times), over my time here.

Charcoal for cooking!

Fun fact: my sign name is banana..

Yay for more clean and safe drinking water! 

I can't count the amount of times we have bought tomatoes!

Books to help the teachers, teach!

Beans, posho, and cooking oil.

More beans and more posho.

WE LOVE BEANS

NO MORE DOING THIS BECAUSE REMEMBER?.. 

Yeah, water harvesting is a joy.

This was our old kitchen with our very small stoves.

This is our new kitchen with our awesome stoves! They use firewood and save us money!!

No really, beans are great. 

Now we can chop our own firewood!

THANK YOU ALL. GOD BLESS YOU.

WATER WATER WATER

Lately its been all about water and improving the heath of our children. This past week we began our water harvesting and it is now finished!!! I am so thankful that my brother was able to financially support this big project.  

The kids will no longer have to make the long and dangerous walk for water. From the school it is all downhill to where they get water, that means all the way up hill several times a day carrying the heavy water. I have done it with them several times and it is hard. Now they will be able to catch all the rain that comes and when the water in the area turns on they will be able to fill up their tank!! The kids are so so happy!! 

Vickie went to church with the kids yesterday and this is what she told me..

One of our boys, Alex, went up to share his testimony. He was expressing his gratitude for the new tank! Thanking God that he doesn't have to walk for water again. He said he had been praying a lot about it and just continued expressing his thankfulness.  

How wonderful is that?! God is so good, all the time. 

*Caution: Curious Deaf kids crossing.*

Hello rain gutters.

   THEY LOVE IT

Ivan might love it more..

Imagine how much water is needed to bathe 35 kids twice a day. Cooking and drinking water for 54 kids everyday. Washing clothes for 35 kids and all their little teeth brushing. It is a lot. NO MORE WALKING FOR IT. Our precious deaf kids can't hear the boda's or cars and last term two of our kids got hit. Praise and thanks be to God that this will no longer happen!

AND THE HAND WASHING SHALL BEGIN

This is the filter on top for water that comes from the rain gutters.

THANK YOU ALL.

Nightmare

I am back in Canyon and I am crying like crazy. One of our boys from school, Davis, appears.

I can't help him.. 

Carrying dried up corn stalks, he comes walking out of his village. Davis has been looking for food but has found none. He is there and talking to me- everything is so real. With haunting eyes that are completely black he tells me that there is no food at school. I ache as Davis tells me how hungry all the kids are..

 I can't get to him. 

It is terrible. There is an invisible wall that wont let me come closer no matter how hard I try. His blacked out eyes are piercing hopelessly at me,

I can do nothing.

The scene changes and I am running. I am so stressed, lost, and yearning to go back to Uganda. The peace of mind running usually brings me is not happening- I am breaking. I get blank stares from everyone, as if no one understands. 

This wasn't the first nightmare I have had, but it was the worst. Despite the fact that I know God is in control, these dreams happen. Days have came where there has been no food at school, but thankfully God has given me the means to buy some. Yes, there is the question of what happens when I am not here to buy it? Or pay for an emergency medical situation? I realize, though, I am not God. Joel has been managing this for six years. Despite the many hard times and lack of money, he has done a wonderful job.

-

Jesus I trust in you.