Yesu Umeri: December 2014

One of my friends Jenny, the amazing women who I stayed with in Rwanda, has been helping me with trying to forget about the mess that is going on for the sake of the kids and for the moment. Everything she says is completely right. She reminded me and told me that this is the last week of school and I must give all the love I can, that's what matters. So, in the last few days of school I tried my best to do that.

Thursday I took 4 boys swimming, wow did they love it. It just hit me when I woke up that morning (God told me), it was actually really weird. Vickie left me with swimming shorts for boys and I totally forgot about them. I went straight to school and then took the boys to the pool. One of the boys, Alex, was telling me how thankful he was. This boy is so..thoughtful...and good with expressing himself. Saying things like how amazing it is to go swimming when school is over and the day before he goes back to his village. He is the same boy that shared his testimony at church about how thankful he was and how hard he had been praying for the water solution to be fixed. He has so much depth and I am so happy he is able to communicate that. Yesterday I was at school and one of our girls was so so sick. God really showed me how to love and what love is. Despite all the bad things I am going through, I can still love; that's what God showed me.. Leticia was crying and I just picked her up and rocked her, got her water, held her, kissed her, and tried to give her all my love. I don't know what was wrong with her. She was fiery hot. She is so sweet, she was falling asleep in my lap after a long while, and then I got to put her in her bed. That poor girl. That was love right there. I didn't do anything big, just held and kissed her and told her how much I love her. God was talking to me in that very moment, "Rannah this is love and this is what I ask of you."

Yesterday also sucked and hurt a lot. Florence and I's relationship is different than the rest of the kids. Her and I are almost the same age, we're friends. Good friends. She was hurting so bad. She wouldn't let go of me and I didn't want to let go of her. It hurt. Both of us were a crying mess, it sucked. I promised her I would come back and visit her, and I meant it when I said/signed it. Gosh, of all the kids we have spent the most time together. I wrote her a letter and gave her my bracelet. I love love love her. As I was leaving the school one other kid told me that Florence was still crying... It breaks my heart.

Another story: About one of the boys I took to the pool, his name is Umar and he is....maybe 8? He is way to skinny, like pure skin and bone. He absolutely loves me, and I him. I have felt like his momma so many times. He is as light as a feather and always wants my hugs. I can't even come close to counting the amount of times I have kissed his precious head and his cheeks. He loves it so much. He always says "Ba ba ba ba ba", he thinks it's so funny. I don't know anything about his home life. But I know he soaks up my love like a sponge, I can feel it. At the pool he was so tired from playing. I wrapped him in a towel and he sat on my lap for the longest time. Kisses after kisses, and his innocent face looking up at me. I was so sad to say goodbye to him..

I am confused, or maybe stuck is a better word. Maybe if I wasn't in such a mess right now it would be impossible for me to leave. I miss my family and I already miss the Deaf kids. I am tired. Right now I don't have a purpose. *Hush Rannah, just love who is put in front of you for the remaining 12 days.* Okay, so maybe I do have a purpose.

I never thought I would be counting down the days until I go back to the States. My mom gave me something beautiful to think about and a place to put my wanting; in Jesus. Our Lord and Savior arrives in 19 days. My focus should be on His coming, although I don't even feel its Advent, or that Christmas is soon here. My wanting for home is a wanting for Him; a want for Heaven. I don't like calling the States my home, because it's not. Neither is Uganda. "Home is where the heart is" and well, my heart belongs to my Beloved.

Okay Ill stop being deep and mushy. But seriously Jesus, I am okay with speeding things up and getting to You.

My Sweet...

I can't. I can't write about Jonathan. I can't say goodbye, I can't. This coming week I will be visiting him at his home..for the last time.

I am crying now, I have to stop.

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. - Mother Teresa